Tonight I think about girls who were in my life, that I have made a connection with.
I just can't believe, the true story is that all of those girls were taken away by either jealous ex-boyfriends, jealous friends.
There was about .... 3 girls, or maybe 4 that I actually had something different with. Something nice, and awesome. And the one.... the one who took my heart, and never bothered to give it back.
I sit here and think... I have no girl to share things with. I question now wether I even want one. I'm doing really good without anyone right now.
Have I went so high, that I might not ever be able to love again? Or have I been so destroyed....?
All of these girls came to me, and told me SUCH beautiful things. Things that you would think would have two people NEVER stop talking. The closeness, the understanding of eachother. The attraction. And now all of these girls are COMPLETELY out of my life......
I just wish I knew, if they listened to the jealous people because they are really miserable themselves? And that is there TRUE company? And I was done a favor by those girls getting out of my life. ... or, .... or.. I don't even know! lol
All the females I have made a connection with have the same pattern with me:
- We meet
- We have these certain eyes for eachother, and feel eachother deep inside.
- There's a high point where memory that will never be forgotten are created.
- ... and then, all of a sudden, the jealous people get them, and I find them telling me the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of what they spilled out of their hearts before.
And in the end, the never want to talk to me again....
I can tell though, when we were with eachother, the girls were SO free and happy. How do I know this? Well.... they told me things that they never told anyone else before, and you can just tell in their smiles. They would come to me and pour their hearts out, about how they felt about us, about how they felt about things around them. They would come to me for help. Make the effort to tell me how much they missed me.
They were actually with a guy who cared for them, knew how to have fun with them, and was passionate for them. I'm sure there's more.
But then I think... was I just a rebound for all these girls? Did they just want a taste of real life, and a relationship where they were actually treated right? Just to feel good for alittle while, so they can say "atleast I did it" or something?
I mean, how can they be with me, and just leave me COMPLETLY! And some of the reasons for it... it was like they were LOOKING for anything to get out all of a sudden.
No smothering though, no hate, just POOF! GONE!
It could be just where I live or something... BUuuuutt.. it's just a shame how I built these skyscrapers with those girls, and now they're knocked down. Why would you do that? Why would you try to get rid of someone that you were so comfortible with, someone that gave you so many smiles and memories.
How can I be sitting here, and have no one I care about to talk to ?
Everyone seems to be giving up on their dreams.... but, thats a WHOLE other blog.
I just wanna be close with someone who looks at me and gets me. Thats all you need in this world. 2 girls were VERY special to me. There was only 2 girls that actually got me thinking I would marry them, but it looks like they're gone for good.
If it's not them theirselves ignoring me, it's they're friends trying to create storys to try to make them stay away from me.
Why did they choose these jealous people over me? Are they really destructive themselves? Or were they just not strong enough to do what they wanted to do?
Either way.... I have no one around me that is filled with the spirit to make me happy. They have either lost there soul, or have gotten lost themselves.
But I continue to not give up. I don't think it's possible for me to stop dreaming. Thats what I love about myself, and i'm proud to stand for that as a symbol.
I just wish I had someone to share it with.......
- Joey JcM